"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
