Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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