is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize