I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
