just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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