I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
