Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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