it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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