I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I CAN MOONWALK!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
