the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
