But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
