So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
