Just mADE A PArabola og urine
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
