put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she peed on how many people?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
