My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
