My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
