I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
