I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
