Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
