Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
