We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
