So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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