This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
