Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
