Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
