so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
