At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
