just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
