He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
