So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
