I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
sarcasm needs its own font
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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