Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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