he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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