Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
