I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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