you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
