if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize