I could make wine with my vomit
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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