Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize