Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
