then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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