He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
