I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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