Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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