'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
