Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
