my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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