My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
