I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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