cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
