bring money and cleavage
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
