I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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