i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
