was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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