You work out of a Hotel?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
