You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
