Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
