Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You dont lie about slip and slides
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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