I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
