I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
