yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
