I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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