I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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