I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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