I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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