I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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