your room smells of hookers.
And success
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
