i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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