the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
