My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
