we have pet lesbian snakes
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize