omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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