I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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