just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
pray to the hookup gods
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
