You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
