we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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