got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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