put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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