Walk of Shame. In a state park.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She made me pour olive oil on her.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
