she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
