My nipple is on Facebook.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
