Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
