I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
