Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
