i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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