I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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