I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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