I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
